Quibi Commercial How to Not Suck at Conventions | Hello America spot commercial 2024
VIDEO Quibi How to Not Suck at Conventions | Hello America TV commercial 2020 • Nish shares his simple tips for hosting a successful party convention, and speculates whether bad dancing and failed balloon drops directly correlate with election failure.
00:00 You think things couldn't go wrong
00:01 given that this is a crowd of people who already like you
00:04 and are obliged to stay.
00:06 But the history of conferences and conventions
00:08 is full of people squandering that goodwill.
00:10 So, here's the "Hello America" guide
00:12 to "How to Not Shit the Bed at Conventions."
00:14 Number one. Don't screw up your balloon drop.
00:17 It's a well-known fact
00:18 that the entire point of a political convention
00:21 is dropping a fuck load of balloons.
00:22 You come to be lectured by psychopathic liars.
00:25 You stay for the balloon drop.
00:27 And when it doesn't go well, it really doesn't go well.
00:29 All balloons, all balloons should get going!
00:32 Come on, guys, let's move it! Jesus!
00:35 What happened to the balloons? We need more balloons.
00:38 What the fuck are you guys doing up there?
00:41 Fun fact, John Kerry lost that election.
00:44 Was it because of a failed balloon drop?
00:45 Was it because he played that Van Halen song
00:47 at a volume that technically constitutes a hate crime?
00:49 Was it because of a concerted campaign
00:51 to seed doubt about his decorated military service
00:54 even though his opponent was an actual draft dodger?
00:56 We may never know.
00:58 Number two. Don't dance.
01:01 Especially not if you're a politician.
01:03 Unless you've taken the time
01:04 to enter a hallucinatory lesbian relationship with Mila Kunis
01:07 and unleash your inner Black Swan.
01:09 But the chances are you haven't. So don't.
01:11 Maybe stick to what you're good at.
01:12 I don't expect Jason Derulo
01:14 to have a coherent foreign policy strategy,
01:17 and I don't expect you to be good at the slut drop.
01:19 In 2018, our then Prime Minister, Theresa May, did this in Kenya.
01:26 It's bad, but to be fair,
01:28 it's not the worst thing a British ruler has done in Kenya,
01:30 and at least this time, everyone got to keep their stuff.
01:32 The media tore her apart for her sucky dance moves,
01:35 so in response, she cranked up the ABBA
01:37 and walked out at the Conservative party conference like this...
01:46 A year later, she was out of a job.
01:49 Look, there are some things you cannot save
01:52 through the power of dance.
01:53 It's a political career, not a community centre in a 90s teen film.
01:57 And it's not even just the politicians.
01:59 The RNC in 2016 took things to the next level.
02:02 Now, I'm not quite sure how to prepare you for this,
02:05 so I'll just say, "Siri, show me the opposite of Soul Train."
02:12 My, my, my, aye-aye, whoa!
02:17 M-m-m-my Sharona
02:19 That song was "My Sharona."
02:21 That clip was my Vietnam.
02:23 I guess they probably thought,
02:24 "Hey, why wouldn't we be great at cutting a rug?
02:26 We're already so great at cutting food stamps."
02:29 Number three. Don't wank in silhouette.
02:32 Quite specific, this one.
02:39 Jesus! Wait till you get home, DonDon.
02:42 Also, side note, he definitely cranks it to "We Are the Champions."
02:46 Lastly, don't go off topic.
02:48 Take Newt Gingrich here.
02:50 There's a whole new world of opportunity opening up
02:53 that didn't even exist 30 years ago or 40 years ago.
02:56 And no bureaucrat would have invented it.
03:00 And that's what freedom is all about.
03:02 He could be talking about anything--
03:03 small government, financial deregulation, entrepreneurialism.
03:07 But he's not. He's talking about...
03:09 Beach volleyball.
03:10 Really, Newt? That's what freedom is all about?
03:13 Taking a sport that already exists and just moving it outside?
03:16 Also, leave it to an old white guy to define freedom
03:19 as watching women in bikinis dive into sand.
03:21 And look, even if you do any, or indeed all of these things,
03:25 please, be reassured you won't be having as bad a time as Theresa May did
03:29 at the Conservative Party Conference in 2017,
03:31 the year before she did her stupid fucking dance.
03:34 During May's speech, a comedian invaded the stage
03:37 and made a joke about her getting fired.
03:38 Then she got a cough that stopped her from speaking.
03:42 We remember--
03:50 So...
03:52 Why--why we will ne--
03:54 Excuse me.
03:56 And then--because it's not over--
03:59 the sign behind her fell apart.
04:02 Compassion and strength that was shared around the globe.
04:07 That was shared...
04:12 That is the literal definition of a clusterfuck.
04:15 And I do mean literal, because since then,
04:17 I've gone around sticking that in every dictionary I find.
04:21 Anyway, as long as you follow all these hints,
04:24 your convention will go off with a bang.
04:30 With a b--
04:32 There was supposed to be a balloon drop there.- advertisement spot 2020
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